October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. In recognition of this, our paychecks were printed on bright-pink paper. There was lots of joking about them being "pink slips," and one charge nurse in the hospital was telling folks he'd need to do a breast check before passing them out.
I thought the whole affair was entertaining. I mean, passing out the pink paychecks was sort of cute. Of course, people complained. I just don't understand some people. I mean, nurses have the raunchiest sense of humor (you need it when your patient sticks his ass off the side of the bed to take a shit on the floor, and other similarly hilarious moments). I just can't believe nurses, of all people, would be upset. And it DID get folks to think about breast awareness (even the guys -- a few of the non-nursing males had no idea it can happen to males, and that, after paying the rent, you really should check your rack along with your jewels), so the pink things did their job.
Some people. Sheesh.
Another handout gimmick with our recent paychecks were these bright orange gel bracelets. Various colors have been popping up over the years, yellow for cancer awareness... I think blue for organ transplant awareness. So what's the bright orange one? 401k participation awareness. Oh God, we need a gel bracelet for that? Cancer kills people... got that. Being an organ donor saves people's lives... check. But contribute at least the employer match on your 401k? A bracelet for that? They ran out before I could get one...
Although... I kinda want one now...
Maybe dinner and a movie?
A few weeks ago, one of my co-workers found out how old I was (I am 44 now), and that I didn't have children. It was not a deeply emotional conversation. We weren't reviewing our lifetime accomplishments, comparing what we each had left to do in this world before passing into the realm of luminescent beings. No, we were sharing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So she turns to me and says, "Eric, if you ever want to, I'd have your baby."
Of course, I was taken aback. It didn't really feel like a sexual come-on (I am immune). You don't go through 9 months of pregnancy, the whole vomiting every morning, weird cravings to eat chocolate covered meat, just for sex, I don't care where that sex were coming from. This was an honest proposal from someone who would consider it something of a tragedy if the peculiarities of my double-helix weren't passed on.
We had a brief discussion about how that would really mess up our professional relationship, how it might cause resentment and anger when parenting lacks the support of a monogamous relationship rooted in a larger family. Not to mention I already have my hands full with three cats.
It has been great fun asking me, while casually walking down the hallway, if I would let them have my baby. I hardly bat an eyelash anymore.
This same problem has haunted me for some years. Two of my classmates in nursing school wanted to have my babie. At first it was an interesting prospect, but they then clarified they wouldn't be using a turkey baster. They were talking the beast with two backs and all that. I declined. This all happened the week before we were to split up into groups and provide breast checks on one another in pairs as part of our required nursing practicum. In the midst of figuring out how the class would be able to learn testicular exams with only one male in the class (especially when the question was asked, "exactly how many people can we fit in one of those practice labs", I ran out the door right to the office of our Director of Nursing, who said that no one woud be touching my genitals or my breast tissue this semester.
Anyway, back to these offers. no idea how long it will be before we all land in one of those required classes for sexual harrassment.
warning: this latest blog entry written while under the influence of ambien.
Now time to pay the rent... and take an uncommonly warm shower...
John: I am hoping all of the hoop-la is from folks that "complain because someone else would probably complain." I see a lot of that in nursing. I can hardly wait for Pap Smear Month. I guess my plans for running around passing out paychecks gripped by a vaginal speculum are on hold :-( (You Know They'd Laugh!!)
Posted by: Eric | October 07, 2005 at 10:59 AM
Yeah, I was pretty amazed when we all got the email with the apology from the CEO for being "uncaring" about sending out "pink slips"...
God I hate political correctness!!
Posted by: DisappearingJohn | October 06, 2005 at 04:53 PM
Maria: I find that most men want sex, not babies. And this latest offer involved a turkey baster :-)
shrimplate: I'm glad it turned out benign! (and did you ever find your glasses? :-)
Posted by: Eric | October 04, 2005 at 10:09 AM
Years ago my spouse had to have a small benign lump removed from her right breast. I had mentioned to the (female, as it so happened) surgeon doing the removal that I myself had made the discovery.
The surgeon asked me how I had found it. I told her that I had dropped my eyeglasses and was looking for them.
Ba-da Boom!
Posted by: shrimplate | October 03, 2005 at 09:40 PM
Do you know HOW MANY MEN wish they were in your position?!
Posted by: Maria | October 03, 2005 at 07:11 PM