You're Gonna Laugh

Another three shifts complete at work. I'm not yet sure if I'm "happy" with my work. I know I'm good at it, and that I have skills that enable me to do my job in a very efficient manner.

I also am pretty sure I'm a good clinical resource for the nurses I take care of. When I'm asked, I usually have a good answer.

But is my present job as "impact-ful" regarding patient care as my bedside nursing position?

Dunno. I doubt it.

It's a wonderful thing to be so well liked by my co-workers. But I miss the direct patient care. I miss the responsibility of direct patient care. I miss the look in my patient's eyes when I come through the door. When I've done my job, that look usually says, "THANK GOD, IT'S YOU."

I miss wishing them Good Morning, and being asked if I'll be back that night.

And some of my organizational skills is overkill. I've got scheduling down to such a fine art, I'm almost finished with the October/November schedule (in other words, I've managed to even out about 35 employee's working days so that every day is evenly covered).

But it's so unrealistic. God only knows how many nurses will decide to throw in the towel and quit before now and October. Or how many fresh new faces will appear. Or who will decide to take a week off in Vegas. Or who's parent will become terminally ill, making an extended absence necessary. Or who will get pregnant. Or who will get caught diverting drugs and lose their license.

And my patients, all 51 of them, couldn't care less.

My boss has asked me to chair a new committee. You're gonna laugh. She wants me to head up a committee -- ON HOW TO GET OUR FUCKING PRESS GANEY SCORES UP!!!!! Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD!!! OOHH MMYY GGOODD!!!!!!

Do you think she'll appreciate a cc'd copy of my memo to my last boss, indicating the most common ways hospitals CHEAT AT PRESS GANEY?:

• Coaching patients at discharge.
• Computer deletion of survey mailing for angry patients.
• Financial reward for hospital employees for increasing scores.
• Buttons/signs/posters indicating patients should score "5 or just don't fill one in."
• Telephone survey coaching after discharge.
• Discounts or bill credits for patients that return surveys.

I doubt it would be appreciated.

Don't worry, I'll bite my tongue. I'm working on SOME CRAZY BULLSHIT CALLED SCRIPTING. It's all that canned speech that is supposed to get our scores back up. I keep hearing about how it's such a great way to guarrantee customer satisfaction.

Meanwhile, I keep thinking, do we really "Want A Shake To Go With Those Fries?" Must we, as caregivers, succumb to corporate America's ubiquitous efforts to get the consumer to buy products and services we do not want, need, or even asked for? Must we really join in?

And if you're a Press Ganey employee that's crawled across my blog because of some paranoid-assed web-watch program, please overcome the urge to email me, and

just

fuck

off.

I can not deal with your canned-text lame-ass cut-and-paste silliness at this time.

Comments

[Eric]

14 hours of sleep does wonders for one's attitude...
No one goes into nursing thinking they will go into nursing management. It isn't at all like corporate America, where everyone dreams of getting from the mailroom to the CEO's office. In nursing, no one really wants to climb the ranks. It makes for a lot of bad nursing leaders. My only wish, really, is that I can come up with a style that enables bedside nurses to stay where they want to be - at the bedside - for as long as they wish, with the highest pay possible, and the least amount of hassle and bullshit. I have excellent skills here (better than most of my peers). So I'll stay for as long as I can. The Press Ganey thing is just more bullshit, dreamed up by lesser minds, in an attempt to deal with difficult problems. To continue my analogy, McDonalds has been offering us that shake for decades. But the other day, I went through the drive-through, and got a small bowl of fruit and a bottle of water. If McDonald's can do it, there is hope for American Healthcare.

[Maria]

The irony is... painful.

I'm glad to see that your integrity is intact, though. And if direct patient care is what feeds your soul... well, you will do what you've got to do. ;)