Let slip the dogs of bipolar disorder...

Another stairwell note.

We have another complete looney on the floor with "vague diffuse chronic pain" who basically came into the hospital for narcotics. This I'm used to. It will end up being fibromyalgia (that's physician-speak for "there's nothing wrong with you but hey this DRG will get you oxycontin by the bags full so here's a scrip please give up your bed and move on.")

The new thing (there must always be a new thing with these non-specific chronic pain patients) is she brought her dogs. To the hospital. She claims they are assistance dogs, but she has no papers to prove it, and she doesn't have those black vests on them.

So q8hours, one of us has to walk the dogs.

I know you can't deny seeing eye dogs, and I've cared for a patient that had one. It was well trained, and nevcr got in the way. Someone would come into the hospital and care for the dog. The dog was not so much pet as it was an extension of the patient's physical body.

These were just big dogs.

And they stunk.

And they jumped on you.

And they would leave table scraps all over the floor.

PSYCH CONSULT STAT PLEASE.

Comments

[Eric]

LOL ok, ok, I take back the comment about fibromyalgia :-) Seriously, I have taken care of a few patients that did have something going on. My doubt rears its ugly head when a fibromyalgia patient (or any chronic pain patient) tries to treat sysmptoms with visits to the ER. I can't imagine a LESS effective management strategy. Patients just don't realize that the ER can not engage in long-term relationships like a private physician (especially a pain management physician) can. ER (with subsequent admission to an acute care floor like mine) will always disappoint (and frustrate) people who legitimately need aggressive pain medication. There are simply too many abusers out there, and the precautions we have in place will cause chronic pain patients a lot of misery.

And for gods sakes leave your dogs at home! :-)

... and I'll try to be more ... uh ... mmm ... therapeutic ... :-)

[Maria]

You called? ;)

First of all, some patients legitimately have fibromyalgia. Now don't get mad at me: I have to confess that I'm skeptical, too, but it is a diagnosis, and some people do improve when the fibromyalgia is addressed. Can we at least agree on that?

Secondly, if dogs don't have any official papers, they should be evicted from the hospital. You have SO many more things to do than walk dogs. And who knows if those dogs will pick up MRSA or VRE or something.

I send your my heartfelt sympathies, Eric, along with a plentiful supply of Valium (... just kidding...).